Conversation Casanova - Dave Perrotta
Mindsets
- Attraction towards you until proven otherwise.
- I am responsible for my life and circumstances.
- They're not there for validation, they are there for enrichment.
- I am enough. I don't need the approval of others to compete.
- Individuals are not the #1 priority. You need mission and purpose outside.
- The discovery that a man can do what he is afraid to do (paraphrasing Henry Ford).
- Nervous excitement over nervous fear.
- Subtlety, exagerration and becoming the prize
Related notes
- What excites you more? Experience the beauty, personality and passion or bragging about the score.
- "It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what might happen." - Herodotus
Impression mistakes
- Talking too fast
- Speedy, anxious movements
- Looking too serious or too goofy
- Slouching
- Darting eyes
- Talking with a high pitched voice
After initiation
- They are in a rush
- They have a few minutes to talk
- They have time on their hands
Related notes
- "I know this is random and we just met, but you have an interesting vide. We should grab a drink this week or next." - Label before they can.
Teasing
- Stay away from physical features.
- Fashion/style
- Social skills
- Intelligence
- Family
Related notes
- Never understimate the power of touch.
Questions
- Structure questions: short-answer, open-ended, open-ended (mix it up).
- Active listening. Mirror, reflect, isopraxism.
- The other vs. the same. You need similarities.
Avoid
- Stating contentious opinions. Be non-judgemental and focus on commonalities.
- Getting married to a conversation topic. Weave into multiple topics.
- Talking about yourself too much. Focus on the other.
Topics for conversations
- Experiences
- Dreams
- What they love to do
- Passions
- Motivations
Reference to self
- No stats or facts. Connect only with emotions.
- Don't give humble brags.
- Don't be an open book straight away.
Purpose of talking about yourself
- Excite and intrigue. Then turn the conversation back onto them.
- No to good job, money, looks. Yes to dominance, sociability, altruism.
- Dominance: know the abundance, go for what you want:
- Achieved something you thought impossible
- Took charge of a situation without knowing the outcome
- A time you successfully led a group
- "I love art, but everyone told you can never succeed in that profession. That only motivated me more to prove people wrong. Within a few months..."
- Sociability: The ability to bring them around friends and not creep them out. You're a cool, confident guy who can talk to anyone.
- Time you hung out with friends and had fun
- Time you connected to someone you looked up to
- Time you introduced two groups of friends to each other
- Altruistic: concerns about other people and their rights, feelings and welfare.
- Dominance: know the abundance, go for what you want:
How to talk about yourself
- Reciprocity
- The open loop
- Don't make conversation about yourself
- Know your "hero story"
- Poke fun at your mistakes and the lessons learned
Telling stories
- Tell the story as if you are reliving it
- It should help you connect with others
- It should showcase your attractive qualities
- Should be about something she's interested in
- End with a bang
Simple habits for personal conversations
- Talk about something she is passionate about
- Why they decided to live in a particular city
- What they like/dislike about their job
- A place they have travelled to and why
- Music they are interested in
- What their aspirations are
- Something they are excited about
Lessons to avoid with relationships
- Bitterness - do not hold a grudge
- Inexperience - a struggle to understand others
- Subbornness - an inability to understand people are emotional and emotionally different
- Insecurity - pursuing for people to complete them