Conversation Casanova - Dave Perrotta


  • Attraction towards you until proven otherwise.
  • I am responsible for my life and circumstances.
  • They're not there for validation, they are there for enrichment.
  • I am enough. I don't need the approval of others to compete.
  • Individuals are not the #1 priority. You need mission and purpose outside.
  • The discovery that a man can do what he is afraid to do (paraphrasing Henry Ford).
  • Nervous excitement over nervous fear.
  • Subtlety, exagerration and becoming the prize

Related notes

  • What excites you more? Experience the beauty, personality and passion or bragging about the score.
  • "It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what might happen." - Herodotus

Impression mistakes

  1. Talking too fast
  2. Speedy, anxious movements
  3. Looking too serious or too goofy
  4. Slouching
  5. Darting eyes
  6. Talking with a high pitched voice

After initiation

  1. They are in a rush
  2. They have a few minutes to talk
  3. They have time on their hands

Related notes

  • "I know this is random and we just met, but you have an interesting vide. We should grab a drink this week or next." - Label before they can.


  • Stay away from physical features.
  • Fashion/style
  • Social skills
  • Intelligence
  • Family

Related notes

  • Never understimate the power of touch.


  • Structure questions: short-answer, open-ended, open-ended (mix it up).
  • Active listening. Mirror, reflect, isopraxism.
  • The other vs. the same. You need similarities.


  • Stating contentious opinions. Be non-judgemental and focus on commonalities.
  • Getting married to a conversation topic. Weave into multiple topics.
  • Talking about yourself too much. Focus on the other.

Topics for conversations

  1. Experiences
  2. Dreams
  3. What they love to do
  4. Passions
  5. Motivations

Reference to self

  • No stats or facts. Connect only with emotions.
  • Don't give humble brags.
  • Don't be an open book straight away.

Purpose of talking about yourself

  • Excite and intrigue. Then turn the conversation back onto them.
  • No to good job, money, looks. Yes to dominance, sociability, altruism.
    • Dominance: know the abundance, go for what you want:
      1. Achieved something you thought impossible
      2. Took charge of a situation without knowing the outcome
      3. A time you successfully led a group
      • "I love art, but everyone told you can never succeed in that profession. That only motivated me more to prove people wrong. Within a few months..."
    • Sociability: The ability to bring them around friends and not creep them out. You're a cool, confident guy who can talk to anyone.
      1. Time you hung out with friends and had fun
      2. Time you connected to someone you looked up to
      3. Time you introduced two groups of friends to each other
    • Altruistic: concerns about other people and their rights, feelings and welfare.

How to talk about yourself

  1. Reciprocity
  2. The open loop
  3. Don't make conversation about yourself
  4. Know your "hero story"
  5. Poke fun at your mistakes and the lessons learned

Telling stories

  • Tell the story as if you are reliving it
  • It should help you connect with others
  • It should showcase your attractive qualities
  • Should be about something she's interested in
  • End with a bang

Simple habits for personal conversations

  • Talk about something she is passionate about
  • Why they decided to live in a particular city
  • What they like/dislike about their job
  • A place they have travelled to and why
  • Music they are interested in
  • What their aspirations are
  • Something they are excited about

Lessons to avoid with relationships

  1. Bitterness - do not hold a grudge
  2. Inexperience - a struggle to understand others
  3. Subbornness - an inability to understand people are emotional and emotionally different
  4. Insecurity - pursuing for people to complete them